Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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