quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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