I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
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the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
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I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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