am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
