Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
