WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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