To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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