I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
