I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
