I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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