Sacagawea was the original milf.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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