u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
