And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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