a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
