people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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