I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
