yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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