it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My penis needs a shock collar
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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