Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
