How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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