i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
