but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
