Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You can't motorboat a personality
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
