The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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