Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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