Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
