I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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