Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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