Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
