alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
