I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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