Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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