Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We had to coat check the pizza.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
