No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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