I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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