when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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