Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
