I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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