The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?