Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
