I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
