I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
