I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
