I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Ketchup is God's man juice
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You've changed since you got that strap on
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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