I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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