Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize