Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
