oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
