hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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