She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
