there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
