I want to have your abortion
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
