I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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