I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
