If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
