so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
