yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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