I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I am naked and annoyed.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
