You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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