i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
