I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
