I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Did I show you my penis last night?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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