You made me cry and you don't even care
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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